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Exquisite Monster EP

by Spiderlegs

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1.
I was a guy with such an upside But now that upside is way way down How did I become so cynical About everything? And Why can’t I change the way I see the world To go from sad to almost anything else Would be a miracle I’ve been sad for such a long time I know it’s something in me that destroys/important things when they seem too good to be true or too good for me Long time sadness goes hand in hand with self sabotage Nothing will fuck you up worse or longer than a self inflicted wound And then you can’t get away from it… Saaaaaaaad for such a Looooong tiiiiiime. Always thought I’d amount to more than just an afterthought Someone’s sad memory Pitied for not living up to lofty expectations Long time sadness goes hand in hand with self sabotage Nothing will fuck you up worse or longer than a self inflicted wound And then you can’t get away from it Saaaaaaaad for such a Looooong tiiiiiime Saaaaaaaad for such a Looooong tiiiiiime Saaaaaaaad for such a Looooong tiiiiiime
2.
Rage 04:32
How do I put into words Something which should never be spoken — Not just things I hoped for But things I thought were broken Way/before I ever found a way out— I had to find a way through Now I’m busting buildings Instead of punching you I’m bleeding for a way out Away from everybody else— Anyone with eyes can see how bad I’ve been But how much concern does someone like me ever get?——— It’s like the blood in me comes from somewhere else where it’s heated way past the boiling point—- Then injected into me with such ferocity That I instantly go Mad king gorilla on everyone around A one man wrecking crew injected full of rage And guided by my own self loathing from destroying everything—- Don’t get in my way when I destroy the world something I loved one time—— These are the hazards of total destruction left to my own devices I’m left alone with my rage —- it bullies me and taunts me, molests me/while holding me face down in my own shit —- What do I do to fight what’s inside me How do I crush it so I can let it go—- How do you stand up to yourself when you always have to live with everything you ever did, win or lose or survive Hell is in me/I’m it’s king And if I can’t abdicate Then I will ruin everything—- What does someone see when they look right at me Thrashing and crashing and trashing the world—- In some ways I feel they’d get what I’m about Right before they take me out—- I’m a bad dog, a rabid animal My destruction ends When you Aim true strike hard and to death Send me
3.
Self imposed My exile got to me Loneliness—made me see Differently and different things It got ridiculous and tedious Basically my destruction Was in my hands and they were ready to act Here I am again After failing at becoming a better human— I have become an exquisite monster Now I darken your door again Because you’ve always brought out the worst in me May I come in May I sit down May I make myself comfortable Endlesssly? You will only stay Lonely for so long There are storms outside And storms in me When I try to see things clearly I focus on unsettling things Self imposed My exile got to me Loneliness—made me see Differently Here I am again After failing at becoming a better human— I have become an exquisite monster Now I darken your door again Because you’ve always brought out the worst in me May I come in May I sit down May I make myself at home Indefinitely? You will only stay Lonely for so long There are storms outside And storms in me When I try to see things clearly I focus on unsettling things Here I am again After failing at becoming a better human— I have become an exquisite monster Now I darken your door again Because you’ve always brought out the worst in me You will only stay Lonely for so long
4.
You make everything seem supernatural Like out of this world weird Crazy in a good way Such a good way I don’t know how to thank you How will I ever thank you I’m trying new things Trying new things Just for you I made myself behave myself Just for you And maybe you’ll come back Come back to where we were Where we were at some point very long ago You make everything seem supernaturally unnatural Like fake in a good way Manufactured flawlessly And I can never thank you enough I wish i could thank you enough I’m trying new things Trying new things Just for you I made myself behave myself Just for you And maybe i’ll (we’ll) come back Come back to where we were Where we were at some point very long ago You’ve made dreams spill into reality My dreams overlap everything It must be because of you You have very special powers That I could never possibly understand I’m trying new things Trying new things Just for you I made myself behave myself Just for you
5.
6.
7.
I was a guy with such an upside But now that upside is way way down How did I become so cynical About everything? And Why can’t I change the way I see the world To go from sad to almost anything else Would be a miracle I’ve been sad for such a long time I know it’s something in me that destroys/important things when they seem too good to be true or too good for me Long time sadness goes hand in hand with self sabotage Nothing will mess you up worse or longer than a self inflicted wound And then you can’t get away from it… Saaaaaaaad for such a Looooong tiiiiiime. Always thought I’d amount to more than just an afterthought Someone’s sad memory Pitied for not living up to lofty expectations Long time sadness goes hand in hand with self sabotage Nothing will mess you up worse or longer than a self inflicted wound And then you can’t get away from it Saaaaaaaad for such a Looooong tiiiiiime. Saaaaaaaad for such a Looooong tiiiiiime.

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released October 31, 2022

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